Friday the 13th is a day that many superstitious people believe holds terrible omens.
If you’re one of those superstitious people, you’re probably in for a bit of a laugh with this list of funniest and best Friday the 13th jokes and puns.
Who knows…maybe Friday the 13 will be your lucky day after all!
Table of Contents
Why do people dread Friday the 13th?
While the origin of the superstition remains more or less a mystery, the notion that this day can bring misfortune is deeply believed by many cultures and religions, including Christianity, and has even been linked to Satan’s day as he was born on Friday.
Some say the fear of Friday 13th originates from the last supper and has biblical origins. 13 guests were present at the last supper before Jesus’s crucifixion.
Friday is the day that Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit. The day that Cain murdered his brother, Abel, was also a Friday, the day the Temple of Solomon fell; and Noah’s ark set sail in the Great Flood.
The fear of Friday the 13th is called paraskevidekatriaphobia, which stems from the Greek word (paraskeví), meaning Friday, and diagrōma, meaning 13.
Although it’s a centuries-old superstition, it’s not unlucky. It’s just another day like any other. But some people still believe the thirteenth is jinxed. So they think it’s unlucky to meet someone, get married, and travel.
To lighten up a bit and remember this is just a myth, here goes our list of Friday the 13th jokes:
1. What’s more frightening than “Today is Friday the 13th”?
1st of every month, when rent is due.
2. Why don’t witches ride brooms on Friday the 13th? Because they don’t want to sweep anyone off their feet!
3. Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9! What do you get if you cross a wolf with a vampire? Fangs!
4. What happens when you propose to someone blind on Friday the 13th?
They tell you that they are seeing someone else.
5. Where do ghosts go for rides on Friday the 13th?
They ride in elevators; it raises their spirits!
6. A blonde and a brunette are in a car.
Brunette: Christmas is on a Friday this year.
Blonde: I hope it’s not the 13th.
7. The worst thing about Friday the 13th?
It’s Monday the 16th.
8. Why could the mummy not go out on Friday the 13th?
Because he was all wound up.
9. I don’t worry about Friday the 13th.
It’s bad luck to be superstitious.
10. I’m not superstitious on Friday the 13th
Just a little stitious.
11. What sort of parties do people generally organize on Friday the 13th?
12. Who is targeting Anti-Vaxxers on Friday the 13th?
13. How can Friday The 13th movie be wonderful?
If you watch it backwards, it is a beautiful story about a man resurrecting people with a machete.
14. Number 13: I am the worst number in the world.
Number 666: That’s cute.
Number 2020: Hold my beer…!
15. What do you think a ghost keeps in its stable?
16. As per a report, 4000 people die from drowning in the US every year.
They should have been alive if they didn’t come near Lake Crystal.
17. As per a study, researchers found out that one person out of every group has the potential to be a murderer.
So, I killed Steve on Friday the 13th just in case he tried to harm our group.
18. What do you do if your house is overrun with ghosts?
Hope that it’s Halloween and not Friday The 13th.
19. What’s the safest place to hide on Friday the 13th?
The living room.
20. Mothers: The only person you are afraid of even when you are a machete-welding psychopath
21. Why was the killer relentlessly killing fat people on Friday the 13th?
He wanted to be a mass murderer.
22. Why did the skeleton not go and see a scary movie with his friends on Friday the 13th?
He didn’t have the guts.
23. There’s a new serial killer in town who works at the bakery.
They call him Bready Kruger.
24. Cracking a serial killer joke on Friday the 13th is ok.
As long as they are properly executed.
25. What did the serial killer do after no kills on Friday the 13th?
He committed suicide.
How did the neighbors console his wife?
By saying,” Hey, look on the bright side. At least he died doing what he loved.”
26. Why can’t you kill humor on Friday the 13th?
Because it’s deadpan.
27. What’s the scariest thing to do on Friday the 13th?
Check your bank account.
28. May the odds be ever in your favor!
Friday the 13th Puns
Where can you find witches on Friday the 13th?
Why did the skeleton not want to go to the Friday the 13th dance party? He had no-body to go with.
Which pasta dish do Italian people eat on Friday the 13th?
Where do ghosts go for a family vacation after working on Friday the 13th?
Boo-dapest, the Boo-hamas, and Mali-boo.
On Friday the 13th, I dreamt that a horse in armor was chasing me.
It was a Knightmare.
What do you call a Friday the 13th movie with no Jason? A missed opportunity.”
I’m not afraid of vampires, but I am afraid of batman.
Which key opens the door to a haunted house?
What happened after the stripper bar dancer was killed on Friday the 13th?
The place is now possessed by en-tities.
On Friday the 13th, which spa treatment should you avoid?
This Friday the 13th, be careful not to step on any cracks… or you might end up with a broken mirror!
If you see a penny on the ground today, make sure to pick it up… because it might be your lucky day!
Be careful not to break any mirrors today… it’s bad luck on Friday the 13th!”
If you spill salt, be sure to throw some over your shoulder… it might keep the bad luck away!
Friday the 13th is like a full moon for psychopaths.
Friday the 13th is like the Monday of weekends.
Just because it’s Friday the 13th doesn’t mean you should let your guard down. There are still plenty of ways to have a bad day.
Friday the 13th Riddles
These funny Friday the 13th riddles will have you shaking in your boots. But don’t worry, we’ve got the answers for you too.
How do monsters like their eggs?
What is the hardest thing to kill in a horror movie?
– Jason. That’s right—he has too many lives, and he always comes back!
What happens on Friday the 13th?
– Everyone dies!
What are the odds of dying on Friday the 13th?
– 1 in 130,000
What is the most unlucky day of all time?
– Friday the 13th
Why did the chicken cross the road?
– To get away from that guy who was chasing him.
What’s the only thing that can survive a Friday the 13th?
– The answer is: YOU!
What’s scarier than being attacked by Jason Voorhees?
– Being attacked by Jason Voorhees, who is also a serial killer and has a hatchet for an axe, and then learning that you are actually playing a game of hide-and-seek with him (and his friends).
How many people were murdered by Jason’s machete in Friday the 13th Part 2?
– “All of them.”
What does Jason Voorhees wear to bed?
– A mask made out of his own face.
Where was Jason raised?
– In a cemetery
Jason Voorhees’ favorite dessert?
How do you catch a cold-blooded killer?
– By using bait – duh!
Do you know why Freddy Krueger wears a hat?
– He ran out of scare spray.
What did the skeleton say to the other skeleton?
– “I don’t know, I’m just bone tired.”
Why was Friday the 13th such a bad day for Jason Voorhees?
– Because he couldn’t find his hockey mask!
What do you call a person who is scared of Friday the 13th?
– A superstitious person.
What did the little boy say when he found out it was Friday the 13th?
– I’m so scared!
What is the first thing you should do if you are on a Friday the 13th?
– Go to bed early.
Why did the chicken cross the road on Friday the 13th?
– To get to the other side…of the cemetery!
What do you call a witch’s favorite fruit?
– A bOOberry!
What do you call a Friday the 13th movie without any violence or scares?
– A comedy!
What does Jason do for fun?
– Kill people
Why don’t witches ride their brooms on Friday the 13th?
– Because they might break them!
How do you make a witch itch?
– Take away her ‘W’.
What is said only once on Friday the 13th?
– “I told you it was Friday the 13th.”
Where does Jason like to shop?
– At the butcher or the grocery store
What is Jason’s favorite day of the month?
– The 13th, of course!
What do Jason, Michael Myers, and Pinhead have in common?
– They all play hockey!
Hilarious One Liners
Time to hide under the covers and hope that nothing bad happens!
Watch out for black cats and broken mirrors!
Be careful what you wish for on Friday the 13th!
Some people believe that bad things happen in threes.
Stop throwing salt over your shoulder!
It’s my second favorite holiday.
The only thing more predictable than this day is death and taxes.
A great time to get your house ready for Halloween!
I hope my lucky charms are enough to get me through this day!
My mom says I’m not allowed to do anything on Friday the 13th, but I think it’s just because she doesn’t want me to have any fun.
A day to be especially aware of your surroundings and avoid any potential bad luck!
Today is a good day to cross things off your bucket list.
A black cat crossed my path this morning… and I’m still alive!
Don’t worry, the world won’t end today… we still have tomorrow for that.
A friend of mine asked me how I was doing, and I said, “I’m fine, but my luck is running out.”
I need to wear my lucky socks today.
I just bought a new car, and now I’m afraid to drive it.
I can’t believe that I forgot about the date!
Hey, it could be worse. It could be Friday the 13th during a full moon.
Friday the 13th is like an early Halloween for me.
One more Friday the 13th, one less friend.
Friday the 13th is like a box of chocolates – you never know what you’ll get.
Friday the 13th is like Christmas, but with all of your friends missing.
Jokes about Bad Luck
Do you know what happens when people get too good at anything? They die.
I was doing really well in life for a long time. Then I woke up one day and found that my life had been replaced by a stuffed animal.
If you don’t want to spend your life as a battery, turn off your computer.
The last time my wife heard me say, “I’m going to have a bad day,” I actually did!
Why did the boy throw the clock out of the window? He wanted to see time fly!
I’m not sure what’s funnier, the bad luck jokes, or the fact that I’m still single.
I’m so unlucky that if I were a black cat, I’d have to walk backward.
My lucky number is 13… which is why I’ve never had any luck.
I’m so unlucky that when I play the lottery, the machines always malfunction.
I’m not superstitious, but I am a little bit suspicious.
My life is like a horror movie…except without the part where something actually happens.
I was born on Friday the 13th…and everything has been downhill since then.
I broke a mirror in my house and am now afraid to take a shower.
Why did the gym close down? It just didn’t work out.
You are bitten by a radioactive spider during a nuclear war. You immediately start growing new limbs but soon realize that all your limbs have become hairy, and you’re covered in hair from head to toe. You try to shave, but your new arms are too short for the razor and too long for the mirror.
Knock Knock Jokes
Ice cream who?
Ice-cream, you scream, we all scream because it’s Friday the Thirteenth.
Who is there?
Bee-ware, the criminal is out. It’s Friday the Thirteenth!
Who is there?
Voodoo you think you are, who gave you the right to ask me so many questions?
Freddy Kreuger Jokes
What are the similarities between Bill Cosby and Freddy Krueger?
Once you fall asleep, you’re screwed.
Yo momma is so ugly, even Freddy Krueger has nightmares.
A set of twin witches chasing you on Friday the 13th is worse than being chased by Freddy Krueger because you never know witch is which.
According to Freddy Krueger, it’s best to visit a tailor on Friday the 13th, because they are very super-stitchious.
Freddy Krueger got a job offer to clean mirrors. He took it because it’s something he can see himself doing.
Why does Freddy Krueger wear a hat? He ran out of scare spray.
Black Cat Jokes
When is it considered unlucky to see a black cat?
When you are a mouse.
Why are black cats such excellent singers?
They are mewsical.
What is a black cat’s favorite game?
Hide and shriek!
Why do people believe that black cats always get their way with people? They say that the cat uses a friendly purr-suation for manipulation.
What do black cats like to have on the mornings of Friday the 13th?
What should you avoid on Friday the 13th?
Ladders, black cats, and ridiculous superstitions.
At the Friday 13th dance party, the black cat saw her rival fish and said, “I have a bone to pick with you.”
What did the black cat say to the construction worker on Friday The 13th? It’s fine if you avoid stepping under that ladder.
What did the black cat say to the construction worker on Friday The 13th? It would be best if you stayed away from walking under that ladder.
To break the stigma surrounding black cats being a bad omen, the cat joined the red cross society and became a first aid kit-ten and started helping mankind.
While trying a new magic spell, the witch crossed a black cat and an oak tree. The result was a black and white cat-a-log’ue.
The cops arrested a black cat on Friday the 13th; they said she was a purr-patrator.
The black cat did all her laundry and hung them on a fe-line to dry.
Friday the 13th Pickup Lines
Today we’ve got a special treat for you: a collection of pickup lines inspired by the classic horror movie franchise.
So whether you’re looking for a way to break the ice with that special someone or just in the mood for a good laugh, these pickup lines are sure to do the trick.
Do you want to come over and watch some Friday the 13th movies?
You are my lucky charm
I don’t believe in luck, but I do believe in you.
Don’t worry, I’m not superstitious. I won’t let a little thing like Friday the 13th stop me from asking you out.
What’s a nice girl like you doing on a dark, stormy night like this?
I hope you’re not afraid of heights because you’re about to get a rise out of me.
Do you have a band-aid? Because I just scraped my knee falling for you
Are you a coffin? Because you look like you’re ready to hold me all night
If you were a zombie, I would still find you hot.
Are you a vampire? Because you’re giving me a blood rush.
If I were Jason, you would be my first victim.
Do you come here often? Or am I just stalking you?
I hope you’re not afraid of heights because I’m about to sweep you off your feet.
You’re so beautiful, it’s almost scary.
I would kill for a date with you.
I have a confession to make: I’ve been dreaming of you.
You’re so sexy, I’d even risk being killed by Jason just to be with you.
Are you a fan of horror movies? Because I think you and I would make a great scream team.
Jason Voorhees Jokes
What is Jason Voorhees’ favorite fast-food restaurant?
Chi Chi Chi Chick-Fil-A.
What’s the best way to avoid getting killed by Jason?
Answer: Don’t go to Camp Crystal Lake.
What will you say if Jason Voorhees starts chasing you?
Please, stop Jason me.
Why do people laud Jason Voorhees’s jokes?
Because they are killers.
What makes Jason Voorhees different from Donald Trump?
Both are frightening individuals, but Jason understands how to hide behind a mask.
Jason Voorhees loves eating beans; do you know his favorite bean?
A human bean
What happens if you cross Jason Voorhees with a box of breakfast cereals?
A cereal killer.
Where does Jason Voorhees buy shoes from?
Of course, Crocs.
Do you know what Jason Voorhees’s favorite dessert is? It’s I-scream.
What happens when Jason Voorhees tells a joke? It kills.
Fun Facts about Friday the 13th
#1: Friday the 13th contains the 13 characters in the English alphabet.
#2: The numerical value of “13” is often feared, making it a favorite digit for paranormal activity.
#3: The superstition is most prevalent in the United States.
#4: The 13th floor of a building is sometimes referred to as “the jinxed floor”.
#5: The 13th day of a month, the 13th hour, and 13:00 are traditionally considered hard luck.
#6: Hotels rarely have room number 13.
#7: Apparently, millions of people are freaked out on this day, and it causes huge losses for businesses – especially airlines.
#8: If you’re ever feeling unlucky on this day, just remember that it’s only because the month started on a Sunday
#9: Famous celebs born on this day: Steve Buscemi, who looks like he was carved out of wood; Kat Dennings, who is too good for us mere mortals; Kate Walsh, who we all wish was our cool older sister; Darius Rucker, who is living proof that country music isn’t just for white people; and the Olsen twins, who haven’t aged since Full House.
#10: Friday the 13th is not an unlucky day after all! Studies have repeatedly shown that the day has no impact on events such as accidents, hospital visits, and natural disasters.
Why Did Friday The 13th Become So Popular?
With the publication of Thomas Lawson’s novel “Friday, the Thirteenth,” in which a broker exploits superstition to crash the stock market, the fear was repopularized.
Once again, the superstition gained popularity in the 1980s with the slasher film franchise “Friday the 13th” featuring a killer with a hockey mask named Jason.
…And what’s the story of Jason?
Seven Friday the 13th movies revolve around Jason Voorhees., who was born with a few mental and physical deformities.
In the summer of 1957, Jason attended Camp Crystal Lake, where his mother worked as a cook, and fell into the lake to escape taunts from fellow campers, resulting in his death.
There are later reports that he was the machete-wielding psychopath in a hockey mask who killed the teenagers trying to reopen the camp.
If you are looking for a way to make the best of a bad situation, look no further than these funny Friday the 13th jokes. With a little bit of humor, you can take the sting out of this unlucky day. So if you find yourself having a case of the Friday the 13th blues, just remember that laughter is the best medicine.