The generation that’s replaced the warmth of touch with a casual “like” on a number of social media platforms has definitely – consciously or not – changed the overall dynamics of relationships altogether. Never before have people felt more alone and yet never before have they so actively and consciously been running away from each other. Supposedly, the “run away while you can” syndrome is rationalized through naïve delusions of Millennial couples who are mistaking healthy relationship habits for boredom and falling out of love with actual loving. To a point, this doesn’t come as a surprise at all; after all, Millennials are the generation that lives on the edge 24/7 in all domains of their life (work especially) so it comes naturally to them to feed on thrill, excitement and constant rush of emotions (both positive and negative). As a generation, they hardly recognize peace as a category that contributes to their continual dissatisfaction in relationships and finally – splitting up after a short period of time.
The good thing is that generalizations have never proven to be fruitful, and this time won’t be an exception either. It’s very uplifting to learn that there are still those youngsters who hope for a long-term commitment, regardless of being cursed or blessed (circle your preferred answer) to have been born as a part of the Millennial generation. With those young people in mind, we’re listing a few ways to help you keep a millennials partner and build a healthy, lasting relationship.
“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” ― Oscar Wilde
No matter how confident, successful and proud of our achievements outside of our romantic lives we are, we all feel at least a pinch of insecurity when trying to get someone to like us. For some reason, we’re all wired in a way that subliminally sends us a signal that we need to be better in order to be loved. We have specificated dating advice for women and then for men, too. We rarely assume we actually all want the same things, being male or female. Whether it’s the mistakes women make by trying too hard to make their partners not feel threatened in any way, or the mistakes men make when underplaying their feelings by acting too cool, it’s all a failed game unless you embrace who you are and roll with it. And while you are thinking of ways to be like someone else, that same someone else is hoping to find ways to be like you. It’s a never-ending circle of insecurities that stops the moment you decide to be yourself.
Understand the reality
“You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because the reality is finally better than your dreams.” ― Dr. Seuss
To have a healthy relationship, couples need to understand the basic difference between being in love and loving someone. While being in love is a chemical reaction to someone, loving somebody is not just that but also the actual state of knowing a person and caring for everything that has to do with them. The famous line we keep hearing in the movies – “I love you but I’m not in love with you anymore” –may just be what’s gotten us into this whole mess in the first place. Whoever’s come up with that phrase and the negative philosophy behind it should be cuffed and thrown to lions… or at least victimized by karma with no hope of ever finding love (nope, we’re not kidding).
Symptoms of being in love are the beginning stages of infatuation with your partner, and they are mostly caused by chemicals released in your brain. The head rushes, increased heart rate, butterflies in your stomach, and obsession with everything your partner does are actually surges of dopamine, giving you an extra thrill when you register your beloved around. This beginning euphoria is accompanied by a neurotrophin called “nerve growth factor” which increases emotional dependency in partners and often causes delusional thinking (i.e. situations when you want to run away with someone you’ve known for a month). Finally, the increased levels of serotonin trigger mental and physical buttons for desire. This chemical cocktail has been scientifically equalized with patients suffering from OCD. This stage of romance may last up to two years after which it transforms into love. As the relationship solidifies and the nerve growth factor levels go back to normal while oxytocin helps make things more stable, things do appear less exciting.
For a relationship to solidify, partners need to build a trusting relationship that resembles a healthy friendship more than an obsessive lust-driven companionship.
Embracing each other’s flaws, supporting one another in your goals, hopes, dreams, dealing with unpleasant and hurtful situations together as much as enjoying the beautiful ones, being intimate and being each other’s rock when things are hard, trusting each other and understanding your partner’s personality traits that don’t resemble yours, expressing appreciation for having them in your life and communicating about everything… now that’s what a strong relationship is. Forget about the “I love you but I’m not in love with you” thing and embrace the loving!
“When someone loves you, the way they talk about you is different. You feel safe and comfortable.” ― Jess C. Scott, The Intern
Taking into consideration what we’ve discussed in the paragraphs above, we’re left with just one thing to add: both partners being equally committed to their relationship is potentially the number one condition for any relationship to work. Added, finding a balance between working on your personal growth and growing together with your partner is definitely one of the key aspects of every healthy relationship. If both of you are constantly asking yourself ‘how to be good girlfriend’, as well as he is asking himself ‘how to be a good boyfriend’ and if you are both improving yourself and if you communicate, and support each other long-term relationship full of love and care will be your present.
Isabel F. William Body&Mind Balance Consultant. Lover of literature and philosophy, runner, and Tai Chi master. She believes that sometimes it is just enough to enjoy a really good book, smooth jazz and a cup of coffee to travel somewhere else.