How to know if your partner is the best possible match for you to spend your life with? Healthy relationships are based on mutual respect, trust, genuine care, understanding, and attraction to work out in the long term.
We’re going to list ten things to look out for before deciding if someone is marriage material. Never marry someone who does these ten things. (Keep scrolling!)
#1. They’re Made of Excuses
Part of being an adult is to take responsibility for your actions and admit when you’ve done something wrong. If your partner is unable or unwilling to learn this lesson, then they’re not ready to enter a serious relationship with anyone. A great way to tell whether someone holds themselves accountable for their actions is how they talk about their past relationships. If they have a long string of failed relationships that all ended because the other person was at fault, then take those stories with a grain of salt.
A relationship is between two people, which means both parties need to work at it. If your partner hasn’t been able to make it work with anyone else, then odds are it’s got something to do with them.
#2. They’ve Got a Short Fuse.
We can’t always control our temper, but we can control how we express our anger. If your partner shouts, screams, throws stuff, or breaks things when they’re mad, That’s a major red flag. Think twice about being with them. Not only is this behavior childish, but it’s also abusive. Remember, Toddlers throw tantrums, not adults! So, never marry someone who is short-tempered and gets furious on a whim.
#3. They’re Irresponsible
Nowadays, it’s slowly becoming the norm to stay at home longer thanks to almost nonexistent job prospects, high housing prices, and salaries so minimum that a person can’t even afford to live on their own. So during this tough time, living rent-free with your parents is a great opportunity for young adults to keep working and save up until they can stand on their own two feet.
Despite the fact that living at home as an adult is a practical solution to a widespread problem, it can cause immaturity and childishness. As a general rule, you shouldn’t enter into a long-term relationship with someone who hasn’t lived on their own before. Someone who’s lived with their parents into their 20’s can easily become accustomed to having everyone else do stuff for them. Their mom still cooks for them and does their laundry: their dad still has to remind them to clean their room and take the trash out.
If this type of person that’s always being catered to by their parents jumps into a relationship with you, they might place unfair expectations on you. Relationships are about ‘give and take’ between equal partners. If you’re functioning more like their parent than their significant other, then it isn’t an equal partnership. Never marry someone immature and irresponsible.
#4. They’re Disrespectful
Everyone’s entitled to their opinion and should let each other express their own. Interrupting, Talking over, Belittling, and Flat-out ignoring your partner aren’t mature ways to handle arguments or light debates at all. They should treat you with the same respect you give them. You should also pay close attention to the way your significant other handles disagreements with other people.
If they seem to snap at little things rather than talking it out calmly, or they quickly resort to petty insults and name-calling, then this isn’t a good person to try to stick it out with long-term, and it should go without saying, your partner needs to respect your boundaries too. And if you don’t want to do something, you shouldn’t keep trying to change your mind. If you’re uncomfortable talking about something with them, then they shouldn’t force you to open up. Never marry someone who has these tell-tale signs of a complete lack of respect for someone’s feelings, and that’s definitely not relationship material!
#5. They’re Prone To Possessiveness and Jealousy
This “honeymoon phase” seems like pure bliss, but it can actually sow the seeds for big problems later on. It’s sweet at first that your partner wants to spend all their free time with you. You like the attention, and you want to be with them as often as possible too! But this attention shouldn’t take up every facet of your life or theirs.
If your partner is clingy to the point that they don’t like you spending time with other people. Then they’re trying to isolate you, which is another sign of abuse.
If your partner gets jealous really easily and shows possessive behavior, then you should. Either think about getting them professional help or getting yourself out immediately. If you’re the jealous and possessive one, then you need to work on yourself seriously. You definitely don’t need to be in a relationship with anyone right now.
#6. They Invade Your Privacy
You aren’t obligated to share any information that you want to keep private. Your partner doesn’t have the right to know your passwords so that they can go through your accounts, and the same goes vice versa.
Healthy relationships don’t include snooping around in each other’s phones or personal property. Your partner shouldn’t constantly suspect you of cheating and need to monitor your texts to make sure you’re faithful.
If the person you’re with insists that this is normal couple behavior, it’s time to get out! This is yet another red flag for an abusive partner. And if you’re the one exhibiting this behavior, you need to understand that it’s wrong. If you’re not going to trust someone, what’s the point of being in a relationship with them?
#7. They Have Double Standards
If you know that you’re not obligated to give your partner all your passwords, don’t expect them to give you full access to their privacy. If you just got a job promotion that requires you to relocate, good for you! But don’t just automatically expect your partner to move with you if you wouldn’t be willing to do the same for them.
One of you shouldn’t have to make sacrifices for the sake of the other. Remember, a relationship is about equals, not one person constantly giving to or taking from the other.
#8. Their Core Values Doesn’t Match with Yours
It’s doesn’t really apply when it comes to the fundamental stuff. A partner and someone who’s super straight-laced isn’t gonna last long in a relationship together. More often than not, they have completely different values reflected in the ways they spend their free time.
Staying out all night clubbing isn’t going to be conducive to what the straight-laced person wants to accomplish in their life, so their partying partner might hold them back.
If your significant other is encouraging you to engage in risky behavior, such as binge drinking or drug use, then they aren’t the right person for you. There’s nothing wrong with having fun and cutting loose every once in a while, but if it’s habitual and self-destructive, then stay away!
#9. They Depend Completely On You
If you can’t depend on your significant other to be there for you when you need them most, then they aren’t the right person for you. However, there’s a flip side to that: your significant other shouldn’t be the only person you turn to for help. Most people can form support networks with their friends, family, and coworkers.
But if your partner refuses to build or get help from this network and instead relies entirely and solely on you for support, then there’s a problem. That’s an unfair amount of pressure to put on another person, and their refusal to accept help from others alienates you from your own support system. It’s extremely draining to be in a relationship with someone like this, so don’t let your desire to support them overshadow your need to take time for yourself.
#10. They Hold You Back
For your relationship to be equal, you should both help each other grow as individuals. If your significant other is constantly demotivating you, belittling your achievements, and criticizing you, then they are both verbally and emotionally abusive, and you deserve better!
Now that you know how to spot toxicity in a person, you probably want to know what good traits to look for. Well, basically, the exact opposite of everything we’ve talked about today! But more importantly, look for someone that complements rather than completes you. As cliche as “you complete me!” sounds, forget about it! You’re already a whole person yourself, not a jigsaw puzzle. You’re not missing some piece that only one special person can click into place for you. If you find someone who recognizes and respects that (and doesn’t do any of the stuff from today’s list), then you’ve got yourself quite a catch, my friend!
I hope you’ve gained a little insight into toxic relationships through this article. Never marry someone who has all the above-mentioned traits.