When it comes to romantic relationships, communication rules.
Whether you’re in a new relationship or have been together for years, you must check in with your partner regularly.
Relationship check-in questions are a good way to do this. You can get to know your partner better and keep the spark alive.
What is a relationship check-in, exactly?
As a couple in the modern world, with so much going on outside of the relationship, a check-in is exactly what it sounds like. You check in or perhaps do a check-up on your relationship.
Today’s couples have adopted this routine for a good reason. It’s a place where you can talk about your life or issues at work that are bothering you, how your social circle affects you, your relationship, and your feelings in general.
From sharing your fears to discussing your hopes and dreams, this list of questions is based on the Gottman Method, a popular approach to repairing relationships that will help deepen your connection and build a stronger foundation for a long-lasting relationship.
So, grab a pen and paper and get ready to dive deep!
Daily Relationship Check-in Questions
Take a few minutes every day to check in with your partner and make sure you’re happy with where things are. Whether it’s by phone, text, or FaceTiming, these five minutes will enrich your relationship.
How do you feel today?
Our partners have a lot going on today. Asking this regularly can help you stay connected and build trust. See how your partner responds when you ask them this question first thing in the morning.
How are things at work/school/college?
There might be underlying issues in your partner’s professional or academic life that cast a shadow over your companionship. Low grades or an overwhelming workload will certainly prevent someone from giving you their full attention at all times.
What’s going on at home?
Family life can influence how one acts or views their love life. Those living in broken families or with constant arguments might have difficulty coping, so this question will certainly make them feel seen and appreciated. Also, make sure that you as individuals are as emotionally healthy as you are together.
Do you need any help with anything?
How often do you ask your partner if they need help with anything? If it’s been a while, maybe now is the right time to ask. If your partner needs help with something, offering assistance lets them know you care. Even if they don’t need any help, simply asking this question shows you’re invested in the relationship.
What can I do to make you feel happy?
Asking this question can help you detect any changes in your partner’s emotions and suggest ways to make them happier. If the question alone isn’t enough to bring a smile to your partner’s face, perhaps a home-cooked meal, date night, or a big hug will.
What can I do to make you feel more loved?
Feeling loved and appreciated every day is a wonderful feeling. Plus, you must consider your partner’s needs. Despite all their stress, be the happy pill for your partner.
What are your plans for today?
By asking about their daily routines, you show interest regardless of whether you are living together or not. Besides, it can keep the conversation moving and prevent boredom from setting in.
Are you coping well with the daily grind?
As a couple, you must make sure that you’re both holding up well during the tough times. Whether dealing with family drama or work stress, this can keep things healthy and keep you both on top of your game.
Is there anything you want to talk about?
A seemingly simple relationship checkup question can be a powerful way to connect with your partner and identify unresolved issues. With this daily question, you can start to see what’s on their mind and build a rapport.
How was your day today?
What were the highs and lows? Did anything interesting or exciting happen? Did anything bother you or make you upset? Thinking back over the day, what are some of the things that stood out to you? Whether you’re talking about work or just your day, this is a good question to ask.
Weekly Relationship Check-in Questions
Dedicating a few minutes each week to talk with your partner could make all the difference in your love life! They’re a great way to keep an eye on their mood, hear their needs, and start your week off right.
How have things been going in our relationship lately?
Simply put, you want to share topics that are particularly exciting to you or upsetting to each of you. Do not shy away from any issues, no matter how complex. Instead, work together to resolve them.
Do you feel our love life is well balanced?
This is an important question to ask when trying to maintain a healthy relationship, a work-life balance, or your sex life.
Do I give enough attention to you?
There are days when your partner will feel loved, and there are days when you might unintentionally neglect them. Ask this to make sure you’re both giving each other the needed attention.
What are our plans for this week?
You can use this question to understand your partner’s interest and plan something together. Plus, it lets you get to know one another better!
Am I taking you for granted?
Taking our partners for granted is easy, especially if we’re married or in a long-term relationship. Tell your partner you love them and acknowledge and appreciate their efforts.
Do you need space for yourself?
Whenever they need some space or alone time, let them. While it may seem counterintuitive, giving your partner time to themselves can help your romance flourish. Also, it’s a good opportunity to catch up: how was your time without me?
What are you looking forward to this week?
For many couples, this can be an open conversation that allows you to share your thoughts and feelings about the coming days so that your plans for the week are clear.
Are you feeling overwhelmed or stressed about anything?
This helps you address anything that needs attention in and outside your relationship. Sometimes we can feel overwhelmed or stressed about things, and it can be helpful to have a support system in place when we are struggling.
Are you getting enough time for yourself?
Being together can sometimes cause one to prioritize their partner so much that one has no time for their passions. Let your partner read a book, play pool, or level up in their favorite video game without feeling guilty.
Did anything happen this week that I should know about?
Bring up anything big or small that occurred this week in your weekly check-in and ask your partner about it. What’s important is to make sure that you are open and honest with each other and work on improving your relationship.
Monthly Relationship Check-in Questions
By checking in monthly, you can catch problems early on and address them before they get out of hand. Here are a few questions to ask:
Is something missing in our relationship?
This question allows us to determine where you’re at and where you’re going. It’s important to ensure there is no disconnection. Want kids? Want to get a pet together? Talk about it. Set aside some time to talk and be prepared to listen. Remember, you’re part of a team!
How do you feel about our sex life?
Are you happy with the frequency? The types of activities you’re engaging in? The level of intimacy? Don’t be afraid to talk and share your different ideas. Improving your marriage or relationship is a team effort, including the bedroom! Complement whatever your partner does well in bed. Having an open dialogue will help you resolve any issues that need addressing.
Is there anything I do that bothers you?
There’s no need to change yourself, but you might want to limit certain things to make them more comfortable for you and the other person.
Did I stop doing something you used to like?
Over the course of a love affair, it is easy to slip into new habits and out of old ones. Be sure that your relationship audit reflects your best moments, both the past and the present so you can pick the best parts and move forward with them.
What turns you on?
Each of us has our own tastes when it comes to behavior, style, and even touches that arouse us. Level up on your skills and find out exactly which buttons to push.
What turns you off?
Everyone has their turn-ons and their turn-offs, as well. Ensure you know things that throw your partner off during lovemaking and refrain from venturing into that territory.
What are your thoughts on our relationship right now?
This question can help you get a sense of how your partner feels about the kind of relationship you have and whether or not things are going well. This question provides a starting point to identify areas for improvement.
Does this relationship stress you out?
Consider asking it more often. Sometimes we unknowingly place too many expectations on the person we love, causing tension between us. Check to make sure neither of you feels too burdened with the connection, and be honest about it.
What are we both enjoying about our courtship?
A great way to open up a monthly check-in conversation. Keeping what’s important to you and your partner strong can help you both focus on the good aspects of your relationship. This way, you can also get an idea of what might be going well and worth celebrating in the near future.
How is our communication?
This question can help you determine if any areas in your connection need to improve. Sometimes we might feel a little different than usual, and it’s possible that some misunderstanding has cropped up, and we don’t realize we need to work on making us stronger.
Long-Distance Relationship Check-in Questions to Ask Your Partner
Going strong despite being miles apart? Here are a few questions you can ask to help you check in on your long-distance love:
Where do we see our relationship going in the near future?
You don’t want to be in a relationship where you decide on a designer for your wedding gown, and your partner plans to leave you next week and move to Canada, do you? A relationship check-up question to make sure you’re both on track.
If your partner doesn’t have an answer or their reply doesn’t satisfy you, it might be time to move on. However, if your partner is willing to make the time needed to make your relationship work, there is no reason why that can’t continue.
Do you still feel close to me?
Every couple needs to work on maintaining intimacy. It’s a simple way of gauging how intimate you currently feel with your partner. Sometimes we can get disconnected from our partners, so this question will help you communicate more openly and bring you closer.
What is the best thing about us?
The relationship audit is not just about addressing the darker aspects. Let them express what they really appreciate about your togetherness and watch the bond grow.
Are our interests and lifestyles compatible?
Are you polyamorous or monogamous? Do you need regular physical contact, or do you feel even when you’re not together? Know your needs and how they align with those of your partner. These are things to consider when deciding if two people are compatible, so don’t be afraid to talk about them – they’ll help you grow closer.
When do you want to have a family?
One of the most common questions couples find themselves asking when planning their wedding or when expecting to get married soon. While there’s no ideal time to start a family, what’s important is that both partners share the same goals when it comes to starting a family.
What do we want for our future together?
Ask each other about your ideal future together. The question is not only about what you want from your relationship now but also about your hopes and dreams for the future. Are there any new things you’d like to try with your partner? Are there any places you’d like to travel together?
What can we do to make things better?
According to many licensed marriage and family therapists, the success or failure of a long-distance relationship depends on whether the couple is willing to compromise and whether they can handle conflict respectfully.
Are we both satisfied with the amount and type of communication we have?
If not, why? Every relationship, but especially long-distance ones, requires communication. Feeling disconnected from your partner can majorly cause dissatisfaction. To ensure you both are happy, consider changing how you communicate with each other.
Are you comfortable with my imperfections?
Being together forever requires accepting one another’s flaws. If you possess certain traits that are absolutely unacceptable to your partner, it might just be easier to let go rather than force yourself to hold onto them.
What can I do to support this relationship virtually?
If you are a new partner, you may wonder what you can do to support it. Although there are many ways like Skype dates, texting cute messages, or sending memes, asking them directly is the best way.
What are our plans for staying connected physically?
Like most long-distance couples, there will be times when you feel so close to each other and when it feels like the distance is dragging on and on.
If you haven’t been able to stay physically connected, ask them: what are your plans for doing so? Are there any upcoming trips planned? Or is there a way for you to meet up halfway?
Why Are These Check-Ins Important?
When it comes to dating, relationships, and even marriage, here’s why you should keep your partner in the loop:
- Maintaining an open dialog keeps you emotionally on the same page.
- The two of you can talk about how you’re feeling together, what’s working well, and what needs work.
- Lets you check in on your sex life and intimacy levels.
- Conscious listening to your partner’s needs and desires can help to keep a power couple’s status quo.
- A chance for each partner to give and receive feedback and express concerns authentically.
- Drop-ins can also be a good way to keep each other accountable and maintain goal alignment.
- Helps you rule out and prevent potential issues from escalating.
How do you do a relationship check-in with your partner?
- First, get yourselves into a relaxed atmosphere where you can talk uninterrupted.
- Be honest with each other about how you’re feeling. Do not bury your feelings and let your heart out.
- Respect each other’s time and space. Take it easy on your partner if they need time alone.
- Stay in touch every so often so that you know how things are evolving between you.
How often should you do it?
Daily, weekly, monthly, or as often as you need to. However, don’t get into a habit of bombarding your partner with questions to avoid making them feel like you do not have trust in them.
Mistakes To Avoid
- You don’t need a formal sit-down conversation every week. Schedule some time to talk regularly.
- Make sure you’re both in the mood to talk.
- Have patience. It shouldn’t feel like a chore or stress for either of you. Instead, it should be as simple as walking through the park.
- Keep topics open and avoid topics that could make the other person feel uncomfortable or trigger their trauma.
- Being emotionally intelligent and able to read your partner is also key to effective conversations. If one partner shuts down or withdraws during conversations, try finding another time or way to communicate.
Over to you…
Making time for a check-in can be difficult, but it’s worth it to work on making your connection wholesome.
Asking these relationship check-in questions can help you understand how your partner feels and whether there are any areas of concern.
If you’re not sure how to start, try asking your partner how they’re feeling in the union. From there, you can discuss what you both need to work on and how you can make your relationship even better.
If you face problems that are too much to handle, don’t hesitate to consult a relationship coach or counselor. Here’s to your happiest lives together!